ALOHA, A Lohan!
Well, it’s pretty much Lohan’s fault for having a nomenclature that lends itself so easily to being made fun of.
I mean, come on…Blowhan? Loblow? El-Blow? Lohandjob? LL Cool Tits?
Truth be told, Lohan was once hot. It was not smoke and mirrors.
Circa “Mean Girls,” she was a ripe little apple waiting to be plucked.
Just take a look at this photo:
Let’s see here…
Big, robust, somewhat untouched boobilicious mountains? CHECK.
RARE quality as a hot redhead (how often do these come along)? CHECK.
Slightly pudgy tummy, indicating the still noticeable presence of adolescence, the fact that she’s well fed, and that she might be just a tiny bit insecure about her physical appearance (leading to her tossing her vajayjay around like a Kooshball)? CHECK.
Moderately wholesome, mid-puberty hotness, offset by a slight wild streak? CHECK, CHECK, and DOUBLE CHECK.
So what happened?
Well, it appears that Lindsay has run into a short, yet torrid love affair with nose candy. And suffice it to say that the nose candy is winning in a landslide.
To be fair, the odds aren’t exactly stacked in Lindsay’s favor.
Her family is a disaster, led by her harlot of a mother, Dina.
Riddle me this, Batman. Which of these two looks like the party animal? The one on the left with the “Man, I’m getting bored of toting this penis receptacle around” look on her face? Or the one on the right that looks as if she’s having sex on ecstacy while drunk and winning the lottery and riding the world’s fastest roller coaster, all at the same time?
No wonder Lindsay’s indulging in some buffers against reality that just so happened to be called “Cocaine” and “Penis.”
Can you blame her?
The sad part is that she IS a very good actress.
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Keeping waiting…
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
GOTCHA!
She’s an awful actress. So, I guess there really is no “sad part.”
The only sad thing is that what once was a pretty curvaceous and delectable little bundle of redheaded kumquats is now a emaciated, self-absorbed bag of drugs.
Unfortunate, to be sure.
But fear not!
Just because you look like this when you’re on drugs:
DOESN’T mean you can’t look like this during a photoshoot:
Now, can I get a what-what for photoshop and airbrushing?
in the first picture i’m going to have to go with lacey chabert as the hottest… she’s the one on the right.
never mind… high schools with boobs and skirts… we’re all winners.
god… that movie was amazing. speaking of mean girls, of course.
high school chicks, boobs, and skirts.
what more could you want?
i’m going to watch it again tonight…
LAWLZZZZZZZZZZZ
omg love that mother fucking movie, speaking of fucking i love lindsay lohan i don’t care what her and samantha ronson do, but me and lindsay are totally gonna GET IT ON, i am having all of lindsay’s babies!!!